


The Curtain of the Sanctuary

by KannaOphelia



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Anxious Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale really doesn't want to be a Pillow Principality, Crowley's gender is Snake, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Otherwise sex is strongly referenced but off-page, Post-Almost Apocalypse (Good Omens), Rated mostly for discussion of xeno and serpent genitalia, Snake Crowley (Good Omens), Snake-Off, Under the circumstances I'm not sure how this got so soppy, awkward conversations about sex, mixes book and series characterisation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:22:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23139187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KannaOphelia/pseuds/KannaOphelia
Summary: "I don't imagine for a minute you think you'll devour me either, or you wouldn't have been quite so enthusiastic with your mouth a few minutes ago. My dear, do you want to stop being absurd and talk about this properly instead of trying to goad me into dropping the subject?""Nope.""Crowley," Aziraphale said, in the voice he used when he had reached his limit of patience and his demon had best come in line right now or be drinking alone for a decade."It's just -- serpent, right? Leaves signs. Some I can control, like the forking tongue."Aziraphale shivered happily. "Oh, yes. That's a nice one.""But not everything."
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 74
Kudos: 461
Collections: An Angel and a Demon Walked into a Bookshop: Ineffable Husbands Stories, The Snake Pit





	The Curtain of the Sanctuary

Aziraphale came back to reality with what he was sure would be a nasty bruise on the base of his spine where the edge of the desk had been bumping against it, a feeling of dizzy elation, and the vague impression that his soul had been sucked out. That had been happening a lot lately, ever since a few days ago when he had summoned his courage and kissed Crowley on the way home from the Ritz, and been dragged by the hand back to Crowley's flat. 

Crowley looked smugly up at him, extended an inhumanly long tongue to clean up his own chin, and rose to his feet. Aziraphale was gathered up and kissed lovingly on the cheek.

"Good?"

"Perfect. You're perfect." Aziraphale slid a hand around Crowley's hip and down and inwards.

And there it was. The one blot on perfection since Crowley had whispered fierce words of love in his ear and taken him in hand, so speak, on that night. Aziraphale's hand was caught, lifted and kissed before it could reach its destination. "I'm all right, angel. Let me be the one to please you. You don't have to."

"I _want_ to."

"Next time, beautiful." Crowley kissed his lips, chastely and then deeper, the faint bitterness of semen on his tongue. Lovingly, passionately. Distractingly. 

It was always next time. Aziraphale told himself not to probe, that nagging Crowley to talk about things never worked, that they had thousands of years to work out all the implications of being an unemployed angel and demon in each other's arms. But it hurt. There was no use pretending it didn't. Crowley obviously found him desirable. Crowley would drop to his knees at the first opportunity, or spread Aziraphale out on the bed and kiss and linger over every inch, draw orgasm out of orgasm from him while lavishing him with as much besotted praise as kisses. Crowley just never let himself be undressed or touched in return.

Once or twice Crowley had rutted himself frantically against Aziraphale's backside and shuddered and shouted in what had to be orgasm, but always trapped in leather or a harsh zip so that Aziraphale strained to feel the shape of him, always from behind. He never let Aziraphale touch, never let him see. Never, to be direct about it, fucked him, or seemed keen to have his trousers removed for the other way around.

Aziraphale would pull his friend close, let him doze in his arms, and think of all the times he had called Crowley a fiend, a demon, fallen, reminded him of his place. It had been a way of keeping them safe, reminding them of the distance, affectionate even. Now Aziraphale worried that Crowley had heard _lesser_ and _dirty_ and somehow thought it wasn't his place to be loved. The guilt tarnished some of the shining happiness and love of the last few days.

"Crowley," he said carefully, "you don't think you're unworthy of me because I'm an angel?"

"Don't be bloody stuck-up. I'll take a demon over an angel any day, hypocritical wankers -- unless it's _you._ "

"Then why don't you want me to make love to you?" His voice cracked despite himself. "I mean, if you aren't made to feel that way, I understand and I won't try again, but I need to _know_."

"Oh, don't sound like that. It's not that I don't want you to touch me," Crowley admitted miserably. "I have been dreaming about it for thousands of years. I'm -- well, I'm bloody terrified of what will happen, if you must know."

"Darling." Aziraphale stroked his face. "I wouldn't do anything you didn't want to."

"Great. So we can forget this whole thing and go back to me making you happy." Crowley rubbed his cheek against Aziraphale's, with an erotic scrape of faint stubble that had to be deliberate, as Crowley didn't grow facial hair unless he chose to. "I do make you happy, don't I?"

"Ecstatic," said Aziraphale, with no sarcasm at all, just simple truth. "But you just said you just wanted to, and I do think I deserve to know why you are scared of me."

"Because I'm a snake."

"Not all the time."

"Yes, all the time. I mean, fundamentally. I was cursed, right? After the apple. Crawl in the dirt, eat dust, bite feet and have my head bruised."

"I hate to point out the obvious, but you drive that infernal car, eat more caviar than dust, and yes, you do bite, but not my feet, at least not yet. As for your head, I'm pretty sure you had the snake mark before."

"Don't be so bloody literal. The point is, I'm not allowed to pass for human or angel without warning signs. She was putting me in my place. I'm a _snake._ And you have no idea what that might mean for sex. It's all right when I'm taking care of you, but if I let myself get all worked up things might go badly wrong."

"In what ways?"

Crowley frowned. "Snakes have sex for hours. Days. You'll get tired."

Aziraphale smiled blissfully. "Try me."

"And wind all around each other."

Aziraphale looked pointedly at the arms around his waist, and the calves currently interlocked with his as if to stop him from escaping. "Oh, really," he said drily. "Never could have imagined that for myself."

"And snake sex is pretty dangerous. What if I get carried away and eat you?"

Aziraphale raised an eyebrow. "Well, I certainly wouldn't rule it out." He was unprepared for the look of horror.

"No, no, I said that wrong. I mean -- swallow."

"Oh. Well, I rather thought you liked it, but if you prefer not to in future, I'm amenable to you spitting. Or coming on your face, or your hand, or anywhere you like, really."

"I'm worried I'll swallow you whole." Aziraphale opened his mouth, and Crowley hurried to clarify. "Digest. Or you eat me. For a protein source for your young. Our young. I'd die for you, you know that, but you _know_ all the fuss that happened with the Nephelim. They might find something better than hellfire if we start producing cambion. I won't be there to protect you, and there's no way Metatron _or_ Dagon will sign off on a new body after the whole Antichrist thing. No, no, it's not worth the risk. We can hold hands if you want to do something for me. S'nice, hand-holding. Safe. No one wanted to hold my hand until you. I can go on getting myself off when I need to, and I can make you happy."

"There's no danger of producing any kind of young without a deliberate miracle, dearest." Aziraphale was trying hard not to be irritated. He could never quite tell when Crowley was genuinely being a ball of nerves and when he was being deliberately irritating. "You're currently male, and I've had the same body for six thousand years, and it's never been configured that way. I don't go around casually writing off bodies and signing off on new ones like you do."

Crowley waved that away. " _Casually_. If you knew how many forms Dagon required for a new body, all written in acid -- no, wait, that's not true. You're in a new body _right now._ "

"It's exactly the same as the old one. Unfortunately."

"Nothing unfortunate about it," Crowley said. "I should know." Aziraphale blushed.

"In any case, it's a passably human body. There's no way I could swallow you whole even if I wanted to. _My_ jaw doesn't unhinge." Aziraphale waited patiently, but Crowley didn't take the bait, which was concerning. "I don't imagine for a minute you think you'll devour me either, or you wouldn't have been quite so enthusiastic with your mouth a few minutes ago. My dear, do you want to stop being absurd and talk about this properly instead of trying to goad me into dropping the subject?"

"Nope."

" _Crowley,_ " Aziraphale said, in the voice he used when he had reached his limit of patience and his demon had best come in line right now or be drinking alone for a decade.

"It's just -- serpent, right? Leaves signs. Some I can control, like the forking tongue."

Aziraphale shivered happily. "Oh, yes. That's a nice one."

"But not everything. Like the eyes. In Eden I could do human feet, but now I have snakeskin feet."

"Are they really?" Aziraphale asked, interested. "They look like shoes to me."

"Underneath. Snakeskin shoes, scaly feet."

"Oh. Can I stroke them?"

" _Angel._ Do you want to listen, or not? Because I'm happy to drop this subject entirely."

"Sorry, sorry."

"Well, I suppose She was a bit worried I'd go around seducing humans if they didn't have some warnings. Daft of her, as if I'd want anyone else with you around being all gorgeous at me, but there you are. So I can't change that bit either."

"That's interesting. So when you were in a more female corporation, that means that between the legs you still had --"

"A cloaca," Crowley said, turning fiery red.

That hadn't been what Aziraphale had been expecting, although he realised he should have. "You mean, like a duck?"

"I mean like a _snake._ Aziraphale, are you drunk or just taking the piss? Because I'm serious about this."

"Ducks have cloaca."

" _Aziraphale_."

"Sorry."

"And inside it I -- well, they're not very human."

" _They're_?"

"For fuck's sake, angel," said Crowley. "Read a bloody book about animal reproduction, I'm sure you've got some. You've got books about everything else." He detached himself and next thing, the shop bell was ringing behind him with a very put-out tinkle.

Aziraphale did not, in fact, have books about animal reproduction. He specialised in books of a less biological nature. But he did know how libraries worked. That afternoon he found some interesting pictorial guides -- very interesting. Very interesting indeed.

Then he went home and rang Crowley up, hoping that the demon wasn't sulking too much to answer his phone.

"Yeah, Aziraphale?"

"Darling," Aziraphale said. "My love, my dearest. Come over to try some delicious Cheval Blanc I got in, and to let me suck your cocks?"

He could hear the swallow. "You're sure?"

"I can't wait to see," Aziraphale said happily. "I'm desperately curious. There seem to be quite a variety of possibilities. Do you have _spikes_?"

"A bit spiky, yeah. And they're kind of... forked at the end."

" _Goodness,_ " Aziraphale said, trying not to clap his hands with anticipatory joy. "I wonder what you would feel like if I sucked them both at once."

"Holy fuck, angel."

"I do hope so. Anything else I need to know?"

"Well." Crowley was hoarse. "I don't go off same as you do. I kind of have an open channel down the outside, so it's a bit messy."

"Oh, marvellous."

"You actually mean that, don't you?"

"Of course I do." Aziraphale paused. "It's _you_. My beloved. The most beautiful creation in the Universe, whatever your configuration. And I look forward to finding out absolutely everything about you."

"I don't know why I doubted you for a minute." There was a silence, then a very soft whisper. "Love you, angel." 

"Then come over here and be loved, snake."

The sound that came over the phone was more of a hiss than a _yes_ , but Aziraphale understood it perfectly.

**Author's Note:**

> 1) Title from Mathew 27:51, Holman Christian Standard Bible. "Suddenly, the curtain of the sanctuary was torn in two from top to bottom, the earth quaked, and the rocks were split." Probably wasn't intended to refer to a demon's cloaca and hemipenes.
> 
> 2) "I'll write xeno kink, it will be hot! ...or they could just bicker about sex instead."
> 
> 3) As always, comments and kudos are my fuel.
> 
> 4) I know I have WIPs. And I wrote a oneshot about Crowley being embarrassed about having snake genitalia instead. Oops.
> 
> 5) Just realised this is the first established relationship fic I've written. XD


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